mo money, mo problems. and a lot of injustice.

okay-i'm gonna try to "nut shell" this past week as best i can:

money is low everywhere. we whiteys (also known as "hiwajas" here) are the only adults living full time on the center. we help w/the budget, buying food, etc. since akok's death, we've been spending a lot of time meeting with people, negotiating, and trying to find more money for the center-i think a lot of the boys think we're just out eating showarmas and drinking tea. they look to us for everything, often demanding our money-even our personal money. we give them anything, ANYTHING and they complain about it somehow. this is just the reality, the result of the hard life they've endured. we happen to be the ones here when the past director's money runs out, and can't pay christmas bonuses for the staff and buy proper food for the kids. ALL extra money that we brought has been used for akok's death.

because of this, we had a near mutiny on our hands on sunday. i was in complete shock. pastor priscilla and i were waiting for the boys to gather for sunday prayer and worship. instead two younger staff members rallied the boys together under the church and they threatened to call the police if us "hiwajas" didn't meet their demands (better food, beds, television). it was madness. they threw their beds on the ground. they threw rocks at our tin roof. two police men actually came and thank Jesus they thought the boys were crazy and quietly ignored their request to take us to prison.

we had a meeting with the staff after one of the directors showed up, which was good & bad. long story short i started bawling because i was so stinkin' emotional, and because they pointed a finger yelling "you're lying! i know you have money!" at jim, nathan, and i, and the icing on the cake was when one of them looked at me and said over and over again "you don't care [about the boys]". since then i've been yelled at, spit on, and glared at by many of the boys. i feel like the little ones have been poisoned with anger and hate. it's like the worst case of miscommunication and bad timing. what to you do when no one will listen to you? how do you love someone who doesn't want you near them?

not even an hour after my cry-fest ended (from which, jim yelled "don't you dare hurt her-as far as i'm concerned this meeting is over!" thanks jim), something else happened. this is an injustice that sobered me out of my pity party and back into the reality of where i'm living.

a beautiful 18 year-old girl named jackelina who lives down the dirt road stumbled into our camp. she's already married with two babies. she was walking down by the nile and was attacked, beaten, and raped by three men. she could hardly walk. we spent the next 4 or 5 hours praying for her and taking her to the hospital. her husband and brother rode with us in the truck, but refused to go inside. jackelina didn't tell any of the various doctors what really happened to her. this is all because of shame. we asked when we should file the police report. they shook their heads and said "no, we can't do that."
shrea law states that if a woman is raped, there must be 4 male witnesses present in order for her to press charges.
one of the boys luka who came with to the hospital watched jacklina walk from one desk to another in this poor health care system and said "this is a very tired woman. every day she comes to our camp to carry water back to her home. here in sudan, we treat women like donkey."

and as she fell asleep in my lap while we drove her back home in the pitch black, i played with her braids and prayed in mumbles and tried to think of how to comfort her. she cannot even share the truth about her physical condition because of cultural shame. i thought about how the doctors could only treat her symptoms. i thought about how she could die because of this-because of shame and injustice. i thought, how is it that a group of little boys can call the police when they want better mattresses and a t.v., and an 18 year-old girl can't file a report when she is raped and beaten by three men?

theses are deep wounds that individuals living under messed up leaders feel every day. sudan is a hard place, but it is just one of many hard places. this is unacceptable. absolutely unacceptable. there is a human need here that must be addressed. must be noticed. we can't continue to act as though we know nothing. as though our inability to see something wrong happening before our very eyes justifies our unwillingness to act. i don't know what you're supposed to do. you need to figure that out. just do something.

and for you followers of that beautiful Christ out there, i have some words for you. in God's name, stop talking! stop complaining about luke warmness and boringness in the church. start going beyond the meeting of sunday mornings or saturday evenings, and become the community that you are. move together. pray for sick, hurting people, right there, on the street. ask someone what they need and how you can help them. ask them if you can pray for that need for them, right there, in that moment. sell your stuff-who needs it anyway? get yourself in a rough spot for someone else, someone who needs it more. start living by faith. faith. move, dance as the vivacious, colorful, creative, poor, rich, hated, loved, cross-bearing being that you all are together. you are called, accountable, to respond to the situation that is your life. your life is SECONDARY to the lives of those around you. always. stop playing guitar and singing praise songs and start loving sacrificially. this, truly, is how Christ's bride will complete herself. you are that beautiful bride. you look hot in your wedding dress. now go.